Here's what you'd get if a five-star general went
on "Pimp My Ride." It's the Hummer H2, a smaller, civilized version of
the military machine that chases third-world dictators.
America's automotive culture has its icons. There
are drive-in restaurants, old Cadillacís with giant fins, nostalgic
stretches of Route 66 and an interstate highway system bigger than any
other in the world.
Then there's our modern-day icon: flipping the
While it's not quite in the same category as a
burger at Sonic, the middle finger has become about as common today as
those Cadillac fins were in the '50s. When you're coming home from work
tonight you may see a couple of cars driving aggressively when - boom! -
out comes the nuclear finger from one of their windows. It's amazing how
these drivers get anywhere considering how much time they spend making
gestures at each other.
But what happens when these people get tired of
flipping the bird so often? They buy a Hummer, which is a giant middle
finger with wheels.
No vehicle screams "I don't give a ----" better
than this one. At a time when gas prices have gone through the roof,
buying a Hummer shows you've got plenty of money and aren't afraid to
spend it just so you can look like
Arnold Schwarzenegger when you drive to dinner at
Plus, it makes granola-eating, sandal-wearing
environmentalists go off the handle, which is worth the sticker price
all by itself.
As a clear-cut anti-social statement, nothing tops
a Hummer. As an actual vehicle, though, the results are mixed.
I spent a week driving a Hummer H2, the $50,000
middle child of the three-vehicle Hummer family, and my impressions are
at two extremes.
On one side, it's an awesome off-road vehicle. I
had fun driving over curbs and trying to get it airborne out in the
country. You get the feeling that it can take you anywhere you want to
go, even through concrete walls and over mountains if need be.
On the other hand, it's got an absolutely horrible
interior. If Chevy came out with an identical interior in a $12,000
economy car, people would laugh at it for being worse than a Kia. It
squeaks and rattles. Nothing fits quite right, and it's made of cheap,
hard plastics that wouldn't even be suitable for a G.I. Joe toy on the
clearance aisle at Wal-Mart.
The H2 is based on the same platform as a Suburban,
which results in a decent ride that can be bumpy and bouncy at times,
exactly as you'd expect in a vehicle designed for off-road performance.
Style-wise, the H2 looks remarkably like a Humvee,
the military machine that does the dirty work for Uncle Sam. It's much
more civilized, though, with a trendy, bling-bling, urban style that
ends up looking like a cross between Norman Schwarzkopf and
I won't even mention the amount of gas it slurps.
If you're thinking about buying one, you probably don't care - and
that's fine by me.
The problem is that there are some people who think
they ought to dictate what you're allowed to drive. They want to make
you drive a Prius and eat nothing but organic lettuce and tofu because
everything else will melt the icecaps and result in the untimely deaths
of cute little chickens and cows.
So if you disagree with those folks, buy a Hummer.
It will save your middle finger a lot of work.
What was tested? The 2006 Hummer H2 SUT with
a base price of $53,035. Options: Luxury series ($3,740) Price as tested
including a $875 destination charge is $57,650.
Why buy it? It gets a lot of attention and
tells everyone around you that you don't care what they think - you're
gonna do your own thing. It has amazing off-road performance, too.
It guzzles gas, itís pricey and it puts you on Greenpeace's "most
wanted" list. By
Derek Price © AutoWire.Net - San Francisco
Hummer Home Page
Byline: Syndicated content provided by Tony
Column Name: Want to flip off the world?
Buy a Hummer
Topic: The 2006 Hummer H2 SUT
Word Count: 731
Photo Caption: The 2006 Hummer H2 SUT
Photo Credits: Hummer Internet Media
Series #: 2006 - 52
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