San Francisco: Hummer
didn't tone down the styling on its smallest vehicle, the H3. Owning up
to its militarized look, it's still a rolling billboard that screams, "I
want to melt the ice caps." But thank goodness to at least the interior
in the H3, as it is by far, the best in any Hummer product. And at
$30,000, it's also the cheapest.
I wish Isaac Newton
were still alive. Imagine the fun he could have with all our modern
tools at his disposal. Instead of waiting around for an apple to fall on
his noggin, he could use any university physics lab to discover how the
And instead of
postulating on boring stuff like calculus, he could help us understand
the intricacies of the First Law of Hummer Dynamics: The smaller the
Hummer, the better it is.
Hummer's first vehicle,
dubbed the H1, was bigger than Justin Timberlake's ego, but it was
absolutely awful. Slow, plodding, noisy and of all things, cramped. This
G.I. Joe truck was the least practical vehicle the world had ever seen,
and it cost more than $100,000 to boot.
vehicle, given the oh-so-creative name of H2, was smaller, but immensely
better. It drove a lot like a Suburban, which it is based on, and had a
much more useable cabin. Still itís nasty plastic trim looked like the
result of an explosion at the Lego factory. And you had to pay over
$50,000 bucks to own this pile of plastic trash
Today we have Hummer's
third vehicle, and I'll let you guess the name, which is even smaller,
and far better than the H2.
This baby Hummer is
light-years ahead of its siblings in terms of refinement and comfort. It
still has serious off-road credentials, but it rides OK on pavement and
can easily be maneuvered in parking lots.
Best of all, it doesn't
lose the original Hummer's screw-the-world styling.
When you look at this
vehicle, it seems to be saying, "I want to kill all the dolphins and
owls and whales and polar bears and condors and penguins on the whole
planet." It's looks wonderful!
Thus, driving a Hummer,
even a baby one, makes people angry. When you pull up at 7-11 to get a
Coke, strangers give you the evil eye. Little old ladies look like they
want to spit on you. It's like going to Disney Land while wearing a
t-shirt that says, "I'm a convicted child molester."
And that's why I love
the $30,000 H3. It doesn't actually kill infant seals, but it looks like
it should. It evokes a polarizing reaction from everyone who sees it,
either people who love it because it's totally cool, or people who hate
it because it symbolizes the melting ice caps.
In a politically
correct world filled with sterile, lifeless cars, designed by
committees, and styled to avoid offending anyone, it's fantastic to
drive a vehicle that makes people feel something, thrilling, and naughty
and brash, all at the same time.
You know it's very easy
to forget riding in a Prius, but you'll always remember the first time
you get to ride in any size Hummer.
INFOBOX: What was
tested? The 2007 Hummer H3 with a base price of $29,995. Options
include: Automatic transmission ($1,695), sunroof ($950), XM radio
($325). Price as tested with a MSRP of $32,965.
Why avoid it? If
you're really bothered by people who give you dirty looks, then you
can't drive this thing. It's too polarizing.
Why buy it? Even
though the Hummer brand has faced harsh criticism from
environmentalists, the H3 stays true to its tough, off-road mission.
It's also more efficient, meaning you can still look like you're killing
the polar bears without actually doing it.
By Derek Price ©
AutoWire.Net - San Francisco
Hummer Home Page
Syndicated content provided by Tony Leopardo © AutoWire.Net
Column Name: Smaller is better in Hummer lineup
Topic: The 2007 Hummer H3
Word Count: 690
Photo Caption: The 2007 Hummer H3
Photo Credits: Hummer H3 Internet Media
Series #: 2007 - 42
the Microsoft Word version here:
2007 Hummer H3
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2007 Hummer H3